Companionship and Marriage

Companionship and Marriage

By Apolinario Villalobos

 

“Marriage” for the Roman Catholic Church is founded on the principle surrounding the opposite sexes and this should be respected. Those who do not agree should join other religious communities that have a different belief, But for me, the ceremony is not even a guarantee that the relationship of heterosexual couple pledging, “till death do us part” could really last that long. In this regard, legal separation and divorce have been conceived. I believe that love is the essence of the lifetime companionship that applies even to those with same sex. Marriage is man-made and sometimes, even performed for convenience. On the other hand, commitment resulting from companionship with mutual respect and understanding, is naturally developed and gets “ripe” in time between partners, hence, become deeply-imbedded in their emotion.

 

If the Philippine government will not legalize “same- sex marriage”, the LGBT community should not feel dejected as the members can just go on living together…nobody can stop them from doing so. Meanwhile, they have the choice to cover themselves with legal documents as regards their common properties and other expectations. It should be noted that even affluent heterosexual couples sign documents that stipulate conditions about their properties before their wedding ceremony. As regards their family that would include children later on, they can resort to adoption of blood relations, such as nephews or nieces, or even offspring of strangers, and this is where orphanages and state welfare agency, such as the Department of Social Welfare (DSW) come in.

 

Members of the LGBT community should open their mind to the hurting fact that not all nations understand their situation. This is the reason why same-sex couples resort to living in countries where their relationship is legally recognized. Fortunately, to date, many Filipinos recognize same-sex relationship that gave rise to many Christian Churches in the country, and which are extending utmost compassion and understanding to it.

 

Ceremony that would bind the relationship may still be performed to formalize the commitments of the same- sex couple, but should not include or imply anything that got to do with that of the traditional Roman Catholic Church’s, though, the Universal Lord may still be invoked, as witness.

 

Finally, for couples, respect to each other is most vital for a lasting relationship….love is born out of respect. LUST manifests the absence of such.

 

Ang Kasal at ang Marriage Contract

ANG KASAL AT ANG MARRIAGE CONTRACT

Ni Apolinario Villalobos

 

Kung ang lahat ng kontrata ay may mga condition at expiration, dapat ang marriage contract ay meron din. Subalit dapat bigyan ng pagkakataon ang mga kinakasal na balewalain ang expiration kung gusto nilang magsama habang-buhay. Dapat ay may mga condition din ito na batayan ng automatic na pagbabalewala sa kontrata kahit hindi pa umabot sa expiration. Para sa mga mayayaman ay proteksiyon ng mga ikinasal ang mga condtion upang hindi mapagsama ang mga ari-arian nila bago sila ikasal at ang expiration  ay para sa walang gulong hiwalayan kung nagkasawaan na sa isa’t isa.

 

Kung hindi rin lang masunod ang mga nabanggit dapat ay palitan ang pantukoy o titulo ng dokumento. Sa halip na “contract” dapat ay tawagin itong “COMMITMENT AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF CEREMONY” dahil ang basic na laman nito ay ang “pangako” sa isa’t isa ng dalawang ikinasal na “magsasama habang buhay, sa hirap at ginhawa”….kahit hindi binanggit na ang pagsasama ay umabot sa umbagan, sakalan, tadyakan, saksakan…..kawawa daw kasi ang mga anak nila kung sila ay maghiwalay. At, lalo’t higit ay kahit umabot sa pag-abandona ng lalaki sa pamilya niya dahil nagbahay ng isang mas sariwa at mabangong itini-table niya sa paboritong beer house….at kahit umabot din sa pagpendeho sa lalaki na iniwan ng asawang malandi at makati kaya sumama sa isang machong tricycle driver o pulis.

 

Dapat ding tawaging “acknowledgment” ang dokumento dahil ito ang magpapatunay na nang ikasal ang magsing-irog, sila ay nasa katinuan ng kanilang pag-iisip….hindi bangag sa bawal na gamot, hindi lasing, at walang tutukan ng baril na nangyari.

 

Ang presidente ng Pilipinas ay pwede nang manumpa ng tungkuling pangako sa harap ng isang Barangay Chairman, kaya dapat ay pwede na ring magkasal ang nasabing LGU official. Ang taong nagkakasal ang pangunahing saksi sa pangakong magsasama sa dalawang ikinasal, ang mga ninong at ninang ay suporta lamang. Ganoon din ang nangyayari kung pari ang nagkasal, subalit sinasabi na kung sa simbahan ginawa ang seremonya, ang pangunahing saksi ay ang Diyos o si Hesus. Sa isang banda, kung ang Diyos o si Hesus ay nasa paligid at hindi limitado ang presensiya sa loob lang ng simbahan , sila ay nasa  beach din, restaurant, events venue, lugar ng mga casino tulad ng Las Vegas, basketball court, etc. kung saan ay ginagawa ang Christian ceremony. Ang problema nga lang dito ay ang pirmahan sa “contract” na walang expiration dahil ang ibang nagpapakasal ay nadala lang ng damdamin kaya makalipas lang ang ilang buwan o taon ay nag-uumbagan ang “magsing-irog”  dahil walang maisaing na bigas o di kaya ay dahil sa selos!

Ano Ba Talaga ang Pag-ibig?

Ano Ba Talaga Ang Pag-ibig?

By Apolinario B Villalobos

 

 

Mula pa noong panahong nauna

Ang pag-ibig ay sinisimbolo na ni kupido

Isang  anghel na laging tangan ay pana

Nakaumang sa magsing-irog

At handang magpakawala ng palaso

Na siyang tutusok sa mga puso

Magpapatibok sa mga ito ng mabilis

Hudyat na nabaon na ang pag-ibig

At handang bigkasin ng kanilang bibig.

 

Marami na ang namatay dahil sa pag-ibig

Marami na rin ang nasiraan ng bait

Marami  rin ang napariwara

Kaya  sa murang gulang ay nagsama

Nagpadami ng supling sa mundong ibabaw

Naging  palamunin at sa kalye’y pakalat-kalat

Walang direksyon ang buhay nguni’t

Kung umasta sila akala mo’y sikat –

Mga katawang nanlilimahid sa gulanit na damit.

 

Masarap ang umibig kung isip ang magpapanaig

At hindi damdamin na malayo sa utak

Na siyang dahilan ng masakit ng pagbagsak

Kapag natauhan sa bulag na dikta ng damadamin

Na kung umiral ay animo ulap sa kalawakan –

Natatangay ng hangin at hininigop ng init

Patungo sa mga palanas na tigang

Naghihintay na kahi’t ambon ay mabiyayaan

O di kaya’y hamog sa magdamag o kinaumagahan.

 

Di dapat umasa ng kung anu-ano na dala ng pag-ibig

Dapat hintaying kusang ialay ng taong nakakadama nito

Dahil pagkasiphayo lamang ang idudulot sa umaasa

Kung hindi dumating ang minimithi
Na nakikimkim ng damdaming kimi;

Dapat ding likas na maipakita sa mga kilos

Ang marubdob na nadarama ng isang umiibig

Huwag hintaying hingan ng kanyang irog

Ng mga bagay na sa harap niya ay dapat idulog.

 

Banal ang tunay na pag-ibig

Ito ay hindi libog na sa isang saglit

Kakawala sa katawang nag-iinit;

Kaakibat nito’y pagtatanging di nagdududa

At turingang may respeto sa isa’t isa,

Ang  bawa’t tibok ng puso para sa iniirog

Dapat ay laging dumadaan  sa utak

Nang sa gayon, lahat ng naipapakita sa kilos

At nasasambit ng bibig ay napag-iisipang lubos.

Love is Sweetest…the second time around (for Sol and Rod Retaga)

Love is Sweetest

…the second time around

(for Sol and Rod Retaga)

By Apolinario Villalobos

I saw Sol first along the highway outside our subdivision many years ago and was impressed by her dusky beauty, always smiling, yet. I did not know that she was our neighbor. Later on, because of our homeowners’ association, we became close, especially because she was also active in our projects just like me. What impressed me was her being down-to-earth, easy to get along with and most especially, her husky singing voice that she can manage to fit any style. I learned that she was working in a bank, but found still later on that she also moonlighted as a lounge singer.

She was a picture of happiness and contentment with her husband, Rey and their two children. But it was cut short by her husband’s death during the early part of the 80’s. Despite the loss, she moved on and took the misfortune as some kind of a challenge. From then on, she worked harder as a single parent, with her mother lending a hand.

Nobody knew about her colorful love life until she got married again, this time to Rod, a former classmate in third year high school (Jose Abad Santo High School/Arellano University – Pasay City).

Sol shared that Rod was her best friend in high school, and who provided her instrumental accompaniment every time she sang in their programs. The intense love for music made Rod decide to pursue his musical career after graduating from high school. At 18, he joined a band that had contracts abroad. Rod decided to pursue his studies in 1975, during which time, the two met again, although Sol was already married to Rey, her boyfriend of 8 years.

Since 1986 Sol had been helping her alumni association organize their annual reunion, by tracing the whereabouts of their former schoolmates. In 1999, for the 2000 Grand Reunion, while checking directories, she came across the name of Rod’s brother. Instinctively, she requested that the information about their reunion be relayed to him. She even wrote to Rod but got no reply. Then one day, she received a call from Taiwan and found out later that it was Rod who divulged that she just got divorced from his Taiwanese wife. He had three kids.

From then on, Rod would call and they talked for five to six hours. He was still with the band, performing in clubs and other joints, while she was still connected with a bank in the Ayala district of Makati City. As fate would have it, she decided to resign from the bank and joined Rod in Taiwan. Their common denominator was love for music which made them decide to get married, for which Rod was given the blessing by his children. As for Sol, her two children who have families of their own, were more than glad that they were getting a “brand new father”. Their marriage was very simple, no fanfare. They just wanted to tie the knots in public, among friends and relatives on hand, to show how sincere they were for the belated vow. That was in March 24, 2001.

Rod and Sol are still in Taiwan singing together and bowed to do it for as long as their God-given talent will allow them. Life can be mysterious, at times….and with love, Rod and Sol proved that it can be sweetest, not only sweeter, the second time around.

On Same-sex Marriage and Marriage itself

Please read this with open mind…and do not come up with a conclusion till after the last line.

On Same-sex Marriage
and Marriage itself
by Apolinario Villalobos

In the Philippines, the issue on same- sex marriage remains very sensitive, fragile, delicate, volatile, brittle, etc. The first time I heard about this kind of marriage, I immediately made a conclusion that “marriage” per se, be it done in churches, city hall, or basketball court, should not be applied to a homosexual relationship because such ceremony understandably involves the “father- to- be” and the “mother- to- be”, which has a biological implication. To put forward “adoption” of a child as a reason to substantiate the matrimonial ceremony for gay couples is flimsy. A gay couple can live together as they please and adopt a child, anyway, and without a binding document, so that any of them who first develop the feeling of suffocation can just step out of the door…so why still seek “marriage”?

Those behind the gay movement should assert for recognition, understanding, tolerance, and respect, instead. In this view, police precincts should change the signage on their special desk for children and women, to include gay. Understanding and tolerance must start within the family to help the individual grow emotionally stable. With those given, respect follows. That is how this issue should be treated, not jump into the marriage issue immediately which is proved as not even completely effective for heterosexual partners.

Another compromise that would totally eliminate the “same-sex marriage” issue is by having a law that shall recognize all types of “ceremony” for gay couples, without question on their gender. A word should be coined for such kind of ceremony to give it some kind of substance. The gay couple should be referred to as “partners” and not as “husband and wife”. The Catholic Church definitely cannot do this because it avers that marriage is “made in heaven” and only for a man and a woman who are expected to procreate because of their biological make up. On the other hand, because gays are a form of life, creatures of God, too, the Catholic Church should give them due respect, hence, understanding and tolerance of their emotions.

Individuals with special sexual preference must not be faulted for having such kind of feeling. First of all, nobody ever asked that they be born in this chaotic world. However, when they were formed in the womb, either intentionally or accidentally, they were not also given the choice which gender to have, much more the questioned in-between one. It is a good thing that when infants were baptized, they did not show any sign of gayness, otherwise they would not have been given the “watery blessing” by discriminating priests!

Gays on the other hand, must understand that failed marriage is expensive, considering the cost in the filing of legal separation and divorce, and with stringent conditions, yet. I gathered that a simple divorce procedure could cost a staggering 300 thousand pesos or more!

I had been advocating for the marriage contract to have a validity period, beyond which the couple can go on their separate ways if they do not want to renew the expired document. Therefore, there is no need for them to file for the expensive divorce. Contract is a legal temporal binding document between or among parties and is never complete without expiration in the form of validity period or conditions as basis for its nullification. So why not put such provision in the civil marriage contract? The Catholic Church seems to have seen this angle, as it has its so-called optional and symbolic “renewal of vows” for couples after living together as husband and wife for years. But none of this kind is being done for the civil marriage.

I know of a woman who lovingly “warned” her bed-ridden husband who could only stare but could not speak due to a series of stroke, not to die yet, until after their diamond wedding anniversary. The woman, herself, told me this story while sounding funny. But for me, the message is clear…perpetuation of love between couples is not dictated by any law, nor written on any piece of document but dwells in the heart, that not even a series of stroke rendering a husband or a wife bed-ridden, can suppress.

For Filipino gays who would like to get married, my suggestion is an expensive jaunt to the United States. I am sure that with the decision of the US Supreme Court, the non-gays will also use this reason to get a US visa, as any US embassy is not supposed to reject such a harmless request which is the latest bold manifestation of freedom for which the country of “big opportunities” is known.

Ang Kadakilaan ng Pag-ibig (para kay Emma Tronco)

Ang Kadakilaan ng Pag-ibig

(para kay Emma Tronco)

Ni Apolinario Villalobos

 

Sa kaibuturan ng puso’y bumabalong ang pag-ibig

Mahiwagang damdamin, minsa’y hindi maunawaan

Nag-udyok sa Diyos upang buhayin ang sangkatauhan

Nagpaubaya sa Kanyang palampasin, unang Kasalanan.

 

Ang kadakilaan ng pag-ibig ay hindi kayang sukatin

Ng mga pagsubok dahil sa pagduda’t pag-alinlangan

Hindi ito saklaw ng mga pasubaling minsa’y nabibitiwan

Na sa mga labi ay namumutawi, dala ng magulong isipan.

 

Sa mundong ibabaw, habang buhay ang magsing-irog

Na sa harap ng altar nagsumpaan, taimtim na nagdasal

Saksi ang pari, magulang,  iba pang sa buhay nila’y mahal –

Tiwala’y pairalin hanggang huling sandali sa kanila’y daratal.

 

Tanikala ng pagmamahal ang nagbuklod sa magsing-irog

May bendisyon ng Diyos, nagpapatibay, nagpapalakas nito

Di dapat makalas o maputol sa pagkatali ng dalawang puso –

Anumang panahon o kalagayan, umaaapaw man ng siphayo!