Mga Iba’t ibang Uri ng Kaibigan

(Mahalagang basahin upang mabisto kung anong uring kaibigan meron ka….mahaba nga lang.)

 

Mga Iba’t ibang Uri Ng Kaibigan

Ni Apolinario Villalobos

 

Sa pagkauso ng “BFF” o “best friend forever” na turingan, hindi maiwasang bigyan ng matamang pansin ang ganitong relasyon. Napakaswerte ng mga magkakaibigan na habang buhay na raw nga, ang halos ay pagkit na pagkakadikit sa isa’t isa sa lahat ng panahon. May mga magkakabarkada na hanggang tumanda na ay regular pa ring nagre-reunion. Ang ganitong samahan ay hindi dapat maging dahilan ng pagselos ng mag-asawa, dahil iba ang uri ng samahan ng magkakaibigan sa uri ng samahan ng mag-asawa.

 

Ang magkakaibigan lalo na yong mga magkakabata ay halos magkadugtong na ang mga pusod kung sila ay magturingan. Nangyayari ito kadalasan sa mga anak ng magkukumare at magkukumpare. Kung minsan naman ay sa magkakapitbahay. Mas malalim wika nga ang samahan dahil kung baga sa puno ay matatag na ang pagkakaugat.

 

Ang samahan ng mag-asawa ay nagsisimula kadalasan sa panahong ang babae at lalaki ay pareho nang nasa tamang gulang, at nagsisimula sa pagkikita sa paaralan, lalo na sa kolehiyo,  o di kaya ay sa trabaho. Sa bihirang pagkakataon kung minsan naman, nauuwi sa pag-aasawahan ang nagsimula sa puppy love na na-develop nang high school pa lang.

 

Sa barkadahan, wala halos itinatago sa isa’t isa ang magkakaibigan, hindi tulad ng mag-asawa na may mga nirereserba pang sekreto sa isa’t isa, lalo na yong biglang nagsama makaraan lamang ng ilang araw, linggo o buwang ligawan. Paano nga namang magtitiwala sa isa’t isa ang nagkadebelupan lang dahil sa eyeball to eyeball na nagsimula sa facebook?…na nauwi lang minsan sa isang short time sa mumurahin at masurot na motel…. naging mag-asawa na?

 

Sa magbabarkada, walang sinumpaang obligasyon ang isa’t isa, kaya walang sumbatang nangyayari. Hindi tulad sa mag-asawa na parehong pumirma sa kontrata upang magsama sa hirap at ginhawa, at ang kontratang ito ay tumitiim pagdating ng panahon na may mga anak na sila. At ang matindi pa, ang hindi tutupad sa kontrata ay makakasuhan, lalo na kung umabot sa puntong nagkasawaan at naghanap ng mga bagong kandungan ang bawa’t isa.

 

Sa magbabakarda, kung may tampo ang isa sa isa pang kabarkada, pwede siyang tumakbo sa iba pang kabarkada upang maglabas ng hinaing. May mga payong ibibigay – take them or leave them pa, may choice. Sa mag-asawa namang nagkatampuhan lalo na ang may matataas na pride, kung minsan, ang tampuhang nagresulta sa simpleng kalmutan at sampalan ay umaabante sa batuhan ng plato, baso, ispinan ng kutsilyo, at lasunan!

 

Ang tunay na pagkakaibigan ay tapat at walang kundisyon na sinusunod. Wala mang kundisyon ay mayroong nangyayaring “pakiramdaman”  batay sa prinsipyo ng kamutan ng likod, sa Ingles, “scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. Yan ang pinakamagandang uri ng pagkakaibigan – bukal sa kalooban at nagbibigayan.

 

Sa panahon ngayon, may mga taong nakikipagkaibigan sa iba na sa tingin nila ay may pakinabang. Ito yong mga social climber na nakikipagkaibigan sa mga mayayaman o di kaya ay maimpluwensiyang tao upang mahatak din sila paitaas tungo sa mundong ginagalawan ng taong kinaibigan. Nangyayari din ito sa mundo ng pulitika kung saan, ang mga baguhang pulitiko ay pilit na dumidikit sa mga may pangalan na upang maamutan sila ng katanyagan nang sa ganoon ay umusad ang kanilang karera sa pulitika. Pagdating ng panahong tanyag na rin sila, ang mga dating dinikitan nila ay balewala na, lalo na kung nasira ang pangalan dahil sa mga kaso ng katiwalian.  Kapag tinanong ng reporter, sasabihin ng dating social climber at ambisyosong politician na ang nakakasuhan ay “minsan” na niyang nakausap, yong lang.

 

Ang nangyayari sa mundo ng pulitika ay nangyayari din sa mundo ng show business. May nakausap akong direktor sa pelikula na umaming dumikit siya kay Lino Brocka upang mawisikan man lang ng grasya ng katanyagan. Nagtagumpay siya. Dumating din ang panahon na siya naman ang dinikitan, subalit sa pagkakataong iyon, ang tinulungan niya upang magtagumpay ay hindi na kumilala sa kanya nang dumalang na ang mga offer upang magdirek ng pelikula. Yong walang utang na loob naman ay nakarma dahil nagkaroon ng kanser at naubos sa pagpapagamot ang perang naipon sa pagdidirek. Sana ang nangyari sa walang utang na loob na nagkaroon ng kanser ay mangyari rin sa mga pulitiko, para yong mga nagkakainan ng dumi ay pare-pareho nang mamatay sa kanser. Magiging sikat ang Pilipinas dahil lahat ng mga namatay na pulitiko ay kanser ang dahilan – only in the Philippines!…at maitatala pa sa Guinness Book of World Records!

 

May mga kaibigan din na doble-kara. Ito yong mga taong ayaw nilang mahigitan sila ng mga kaibigan sa lahat ng bagay. Sila yong mga nagdadaos ng party na ang pakay pala ay ipakitang mas nakakahigit sila sa karangyaan kung ihambing sa ibang kaibigan nila. Kadalasan nahuhuli ang mga taong ito sa mga salita nila mismo, tulad ng pabirong “o…meron kayo nito?” Hindi nawawala ang ganitong klaseng kaibigan sa isang grupo na kadalasan ay nauuto upang gumastos dahil sinasakyan na lang siya ng iba, lalo na sa isyu ng yaman. Siya nga naman ang may pera, kaya, sige pagastusin na lang kung gusto niyang magyabang…yan ang kadalasang sinasabi ng mga pinakikitaan ng kayabangan.

 

May mga kaibigang traidor. Ang pinakamagandang halimbawa ay ang samahan ni Hesus at ni Hudas na disipulo niya. Ipinagkanulo ni Hudas si Hesus sa ilang pirasong pilak. Sa Pilipinas, itinanggi si Janet Lim Napoles ng mga taong itinuring niyang kaibigan at inambunan ng mga ninakaw niyang pera mula sa kaban ng bayan. Ito yong mga taong ka-kodakan niya (Napoles) sa mga party niya sa mausoleo ng kanyang ama sa Pasig, may pa-toast toast pa ng alak ang mga hiyu….ta. Bandang huli pare-pareho silang “pinag-iingatan to death” ng mga guwardiya, dahil nakakulong na…friends together….anywhere…talaga lang!

 

 

 

 

Friends

Happy Friendship Day!

 

FRIENDS

By Apolinario Villalobos

 

Friends are people and as such have different characters, as no two persons are alike, not even twins. And, because of the varying characters of friends, they can be classified into several kinds:

  • Friends who use their “friends” for selfish motives.
  • Friends who boost their ego at the expense of their “friends”.
  • Friends who are actually “enemies” in disguise.

 

There are no permanent friends, as in a group, any “friend” can sow distrust resulting to a break-up. There may be reconciliation, but whatever fracture that resulted could not be totally healed. In Tagalog it means, “may lamat na ang samahan”.

 

As a simple precaution, in any “friendly” relationship, there should be restraint in revealing the total self. Only the arrogant will reveal to a “friend” about his fat bank account in order to give an impression of his being a superior financial-wise. Only the arrogant will reveal to a “trusted” colleague about his sexual escapades to prove his machismo. And, only the arrogant will reveal to a business associate the total expanse of his clout or connections to prove that he is powerful.

 

Making friends is a risky endeavor as one might accidentally connect with any of the three kinds mentioned above. In making friends, make sure that resulting detrimental situations can be handled. However, if you are any of the three mentioned above, PLEASE….change your ways, because, although, your would-be victims may not be aware of your intention, there is SOMEBODY who knows everything…HE IS UP THERE, LOOKING DOWN AT US!

My Great Friend, Jimmy…altruistic to the end

My Great Friend, Jimmy…altruistic to the end

By Apolinario Villalobos

 

When we are at the lowest ebb of our life that include days we spend in bed due to an ailment, the natural thing to do is for us to exert an effort  to show our best. But there are some who make cover-ups, apprehensive that others will know their situation. By being honest, however, does not mean that help is being solicited. We can even gain respect and admiration, by showing others our endurance during such trying times. The respect and admiration, as the fruits of our effort are sweeter, than the casual reaction from others whose view of our real situation is obstructed by hypocrisy.

 

Jimmy was a friend who used to hold a high executive position in a trading company. Even before I started blogging, he was well-informed about my small projects in Tondo and Divisoria as he was a regular donor. We met at the Mary Johnson Hospital in Tondo many years back, where he visited a staff of his office, while I visited the daughter of a friend from Baseco compound who was confined due to dengue. His sincere friendship punctuated by his giving me his business card made me divulge to him my real identity, but implored him to keep it to himself. I explained that I do not reveal my identity to those whom I extend a little help that I could afford, so that I had been known to them by another name.

 

He failed to save much needed cash for his retirement because much of what he earned went to friends who sought his financial help.  To make the story short, when he resigned due to a prolonged ailment, he was left with an almost depleted savings. Every time I visited him, we would talk about his friends who became successful in their jobs. His statements were always ended with “ I am thankful that they made it…”. Truth is, he had been instrumental for their success. Some were his subordinates whom he pushed with deserved promotions and guaranteed referrals. Some were given financial assistance as a start-up for a small business.

 

The cancer in his bones resulted to his losing weight considerably which practically changed his physical appearance. Despite the transformation, he could still muster a smile, as if nothing had changed. He was financially handicap, but he did not cover it up.  When he became bedridden, the first to go was his car, followed by his studio-type condo, after which his nephew accommodated him in his home in Malabon. His wife with whom he had no child, left him for a Chinese boyfriend she met in a casino.

 

Jimmy gained much respect because of what he showed, aside from reaping admiration from neighbors and friends who visited him daily. The disease that physically emaciated him did not change his image that had been exuding an aura of contentment.  He passed away two months ago (January 2017). After his cremation, I was invited by his nephew and his wife for a dinner at their home after which an envelope was handed to me. It contained PHP3,730.00, balance of his savings and with it was his passbook. Outside the envelope was his simply handwritten note, “God be with you always in all you do”.

Friends

Happy Friendship Day!

 

FRIENDS

By Apolinario Villalobos

 

Friends are people and as such have different characters, as no two persons are alike, not even twins. And, because of the varying characters of friends, they can be classified into several kinds:

  • Friends who use their “friends” for selfish motives.
  • Friends who boost their ego at the expense of their “friends”.
  • Friends who are actually “enemies” in disguise.

 

There are no permanent friends, as in a group, any “friend” can sow distrust resulting to a break-up. There may be reconciliation, but whatever fracture that resulted could not be totally healed. In Tagalog it means, “may lamat na ang samahan”.

 

As a simple precaution, in any “friendly” relationship, there should be restraint in revealing the total self. Only the arrogant will reveal to a “friend” about his fat bank account in order to give an impression of his being a superior financial-wise. Only the arrogant will reveal to a “trusted” colleague about his sexual escapades to prove his machismo. And, only the arrogant will reveal to a business associate the total expanse of his clout or connections to prove that he is powerful.

 

Making friends is a risky endeavor as one might accidentally connect with any of the three kinds mentioned above. In making friends, make sure that resulting detrimental situations can be handled. However, if you are any of the three mentioned above, PLEASE….change your ways, because, although, your would-be victims may not be aware of your intention, there is SOMEBODY who knows everything!

The Fragments of our Life…realities that we should understand

The Fragments of our Life

…realities that we should understand

By Apolinario Villalobos

 

From the time we came into this world up to age 4 or 5, we spent 100% of time with our parents and siblings at home. Beyond that, part of our time has been spent with friends, classmates, and teachers, until we have finished college. After graduating from college, we found a job at age 22, a little after or presumably at age 25 we have settled down. In the meantime, we worked until we reached the retirement age of 60 or 65. This presumption is based on the NORMAL stages of our life.

 

Summary:

20 or 21 years spent with the family

15 or 16 years spent with friends and classmates

40 years or more in the work area

50 or 60 or even less spent with the same partner (if lucky)

 

In other words, childhood friends know us only for a short time while we were playing and went to school with them. Our family knows us only while we lived with them under the same roof until we have found a job and be with colleagues in the work area most of the time. Our family will never know if along the way, we met people that could practically cause drastic changes in our personality, and that includes using illegal drugs. Our partners in life are supposed to know us more as we spend the most time with them, but NOT ALL who settle down open 100% of themselves up to their partners.

 

The role of our parents in our life ends at the time we leave them to have a family of our own. Our childhood friends and classmates can recall only the naughty and happy times spent with them. Our colleagues in the work area can observe our characters while we are with them for 8 hours a day. And, our partners in life will only know us MORE if we trust them, but it is a different story if we do not.

 

In other words, nobody that we consider part of our life knows us COMPLETELY as they do not have a 100% knowledge of all the fragments of our life. It is for this reason that during wakes of departed loved ones, surprising stories would come up.

 

Nobody then has the right to make judgment on a person just because he is a son or daughter, a brother or sister, a classmate, a colleague in the work area, or even a wife or husband because they DO NOT  know everything about him or her when he was still alive.

 

In view of the above, the only way to have a serene relationship with the people who have been or still part of our life is to be UNDERSTANDING OR INDULGENT for which an OPEN MIND should be maintained, instead of being JUDGMENTAL. That, for me, is how TRUST should be manifested and which should be RECIPROCAL.

Sincere Friendship

SINCERE FRIENDSHIP

By Apolinario Villalobos

 

The best way to realize or put into practice our purpose in life is by befriending the needy…reaching out to them. The needy do not need millions or thousands or hundreds of pesos. All they need are handfuls of rice, few pieces of coins, old but still wearable clothes, slippers, and so many other things that most of us just throw away or leave to rot in the backyard or stockroom.

 

But many people WOULD RATHER befriend affluent or influential people who are friends of their friends, friends of these friends, still friends of these friends, and so on. They exert all efforts to find connections that they can use to realize their selfish motive of riding on the fame or worse, benefit from the financial affluence of other people. Sometimes this happens during the christening of children. Some parents endeavor to include influential people in the long list of godparents, for obvious reasons already mentioned, other than what is expected of them as “second parents” of the godchildren. Along this line, some couples, also, ask friends who know mayors or barangay chairmen or other local officials to stand as sponsors during their wedding, for the same aforementioned reason. In other words, many would like to befriend people for selfish motives, most especially, for prestige and financial security.

 

In this regard, even the mass weddings sponsored by mayors, and which are viewed by many as done with sincerity, are in fact used as a political tool. For delicadeza’s sake, the mayor could have just spent for the snacks and pay the honorarium of the conducting priest or pastor or minister, AND ASSIGN ANY OF HIS NON-POLITICAL STAFF TO STAND AS SPONSOR, PERHAPS, THE REGISTER OF DEEDS, CHIEF OF THE REVENUE OFFICE, ETC. What happens is that, when election time comes, these “inaanak” become the campaigners for their “ninong mayor”…a puking reality! Truth is, there is not even a slight trace of sincere friendship out of the said “connection”, as several days after the ceremony, the “ninong mayor” may not even remember the names of those for whom he stood as “ninong”. This is about “mass wedding”, not the wedding of people who are personal acquaintances of the mayor. This happens most often in slum areas and barangays or remote villages and towns. So, there’s your “friendly” mayor just because he is sponsoring “mass wedding” using people’s money!

 

Prestige and security in life can be possibly achieved even without employing make-believe friendship with prominent personalities. True friendship with a REAL PURPOSE should be initiated by a person with utmost sincerity without any taint of selfishness. On the other hand, those who belong to the lower stratum of society should never dream of gaining the friendship of people who belong to the upper, and whom they do not know personally. One should endeavor to earn recognition instead of gaining it through connections. To call people who do not know you personally as “friends” is embarrassing enough. In plain language it is “name dropping”. It should also be noted that friendship is supposed to be a “two-way” relationship…with sincerity from both sides.

 

 

Ang Kaibigan kong Nahimasmasan at Nagbago nang Masupalpal Ko

ANG KAIBIGAN KONG NAHIMASMASAN

AT NAGBAGO NANG MASUPALPAL KO

Ni Apolinario Villalobos

 

Nagkaroon ako ng isang kaibigan dahil sa pagsusulat ko sa internet. Follower ko siya nang mahigit isang taon na ngayon pero ibang sites ko ang binubuksan, wala kasing facebook dahil “wa klas” (walang class) daw itong site. Mayaman kasi kaya matapobre. Pero nang sabihan ko siyang tatlong grupo ang kakonek ko sa facebook, tulad ng mga kababayan at dating classmates, mga kasama dati sa PAL at mga kaibigan nila, at mga taga-ibang bansa na nakakonekta sa pamamagitan ng email ko, tumahimik siya…yan ang una kong pagsupalpal sa kanya.

 

Ang pangalawa kong pagsupalpal ay nang murahin niya ang driver niyang mas nakakatanda sa amin, sa harap ko pa. Na-late lang ng ilang minuto ang driver na tumae muna dahil sa naramdamang LBM, nagalit na ang kaibigan ko kahit pa sinabihan ko siyang hindi naman kami nagmamadali. Nakakausap ko ang driver at naidaing niya na hindi lang siya ang madalas bulyawan kundi pati ang misis at mga pamangkin nito. Nagulat ako dahil bukod sa maganda ay mabait pa ang misis na mas bata sa kaibigan ko ng 20 taon. Ang mga pamangkin naman ay masisipag at seryoso sa pag-aaral. Pinagyayabang pa niya na “napulot” lang daw niya sa isang night club noon ang kanyang misis na nagbigay sa kanya ng 4 na magagandang anak, puro babae at matatalino pa.

 

Nang magkaroon ako ng pagkakataon ay kinausap ko siya nang masinsinan. Malakas ang loob ko dahil madalas siyang komunsulta sa akin tungkol sa mga tauhan niya sa negosyo. Higit sa lahat ay ako rin ang gumawa ng mga kailangang dokumento para makapag-apply siya ng negosyo, mula sa pagkaroon ng pangalan nito hanggang sa incorporation. Diretsahan ko siyang sinabihang baguhin ang ugali niya at pabiro ko pang dinugtungan na huwag niyang gayahin ang pagmumura ko. Medyo kinabahan siya nang sabihan kong may mga nangyayaring mismong mga kadugong inaapi ay pumapapatay sa nang-aapi kapag sila ay napuno na. At dahil uso ang kinapping, sinabihan ko siyang baka “ibenta” siya ng mga taong inaalipusta niya, sa sindikato ng mga kidnapper. Lalo siyang nabahala nang sabihan ko siyang artistahin ang misis niya at sa edad na wala pang 30 taon ay baka layasan siya! Ang kaibigan ko kasi ay halos 50 taon na at ang mukha ay yong sinasabing nanay lang ang makakapagyabang….pero ubod ng yaman naman.

 

Nang sumunod na punta ko sa kanya dahil sa kanyang pakiusap ay nauna ako sa bahay nila. Naipit siya sa trapik mula sa Makati kung saan ang office niya na ayaw kong puntahan dahil sa trapik kaya sa ancestral house nila ako pumupunta sa Pasay. Ang sumalubong sa akin ay ang driver at pinagyabang ang bagong Seiko diver’s watch na ibinigay sa kanya ng kaibigan ko. Habang nagkakape ako, ang misis naman ay nagkuwento na maglilibot daw ang buong pamilya sa ASEAN countries bago magbagong taon at uuwi kalagitnaan na ng Enero…kasama ang dalawang pamangkin niya. Maiiwan ang driver at pamilya nito upang may bantay sa bahay pero pwede nilang gamitin ang van sa pamamasyal. Desisyon daw ng mister niya ang lahat.

 

Nang dumating ang kaibigan ko, halos naubos ko na ang pangalawang mug ng kape. Nagmadali itong nagbihis ng damit pangkalye- puruntong shorts, ukay na t-shirt na bigay ko noon, walang relos at singsing at naka-tsinelas. Samahan ko daw siya sa gumagawa ng mg kariton sa Bambang at Baseco. Sumakay kami sa LRT-Libertad, bumaba sa Recto at nag-commute na papunta sa dalawang destinasyon. Mula sa Bambang ay pumunta pa kami sa F. Torres, malapit sa Arranque, at dahil hindi pa kami nakapananghali, kumain kami sa puwesto ng lola ni “Pango” ang nai-blog ko noon kaya nakilala din niya. Isinama ko siya sa Lawton kung saan kami nagpahinga ng mga kasama ko (“gang of four”), at nagpilit pang pumunta kami sa Luneta upang hanapin ang manikurista na nai-blog ko rin na nakita namin sa tambayan ng mga seaman at may inaasikasong kostumer.

 

Habang nag-aabang kami ng jeep na masasakyan papunta sa Libertad, Pasay, nagpasalamat siya sa mg “pamasko” ko sa kanya. Nagturo lang ako sa itaas bilang sagot at nag-high five kami, sabay tawa, pero napansin kong nagpahid siya ng mga mata. Alam kong mababasa niya ito dahil ipinaalam ko sa kanya upang maging inspirasyon siya ng ibang matapobre na hindi pa nagbabago.

 

(Ang salitang “matapobre” ay hango sa salitang Kastila. Ang “mata” ay death at ang “pobre” ay poor, kaya para sa akin ang taong matapobre ay pumapatay ng mahihirap, sa pamamagitan ng pag-apak ng kanilang pagkatao.)